I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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