I'm gonna have a badass scar
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
