dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
