allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Randomize
