u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize