So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
you had me at cake vodka
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
