i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
