I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
what day is it and did you see me today?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
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