when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
