The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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