therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
