I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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