Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
