I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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