Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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