I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
either way he was missing a nipple.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
