I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just pee around me
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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