I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize