I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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