I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
