there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
