We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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