she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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