she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
How naked do you want me to be?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
