Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
