I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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