I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
