I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
