god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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