her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
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