Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
