I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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