it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
