your parents love me but you hate me
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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