no. you can't hotbox the world.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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