you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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