I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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