I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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