It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize