So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize