She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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