College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
