Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
