dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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