You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
