A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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