i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
