One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
