My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
