You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
