Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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