don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
