Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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