Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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