Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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