Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
