today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
