You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Randomize
