Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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