I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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