Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
