Pappa wants mamma naked
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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