My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
