Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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