Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
