somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
