im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
as a side note pls kill me
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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