I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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