It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
