there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
