i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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